My mother left her physical body behind on Saturday.  Is it ironic that my last blog post was about shavasana, that is, corpse pose?  Corpse pose invites us to die to the old and open up to the new.  In meditation, each breath issues the same invitation.  Each out-breath is an end, each in-breath is a beginning. 

Her breath did not come easy in the last years.  My mother had COPD and was oxygen-dependent.  Yet, thankfully, hers was a peaceful departure.  Just as I had hoped for her, Mom, took her last earthly in- and out-breath during sleep.  

I am not one to dwell on the concepts of heaven and hell, however, my mother was a believer.  So, I got to wondering, when one ascends to heaven, assumes the heavenly body, is there still breath? Does one go on having in-breath and out-breath?  Does one take in the air of the heavenly atmosphere or does the Universe offer something else that sustains?  Do people who struggled to breathe here on Earth, breathe easily in Heaven? If one believes in Heaven, it must certainly represent a new beginning, right?  I can only hope so. 

Of course, I don’t have an answer to these questions.  I guess that is just part of the big mystery. 

May you be happy in heaven
May you be healthy in heaven
May you be safe in heaven
May you live in peace in heaven

I miss you, Mom. 

My son is getting married soon.  I think it is something like 40 days from now.  The wedding will be at his house, in his beautiful, oasis of a backyard. 

Spring-cleaning is in full swing to prepare.  Accordingly, I just spent a couple of days transplanting hostas from our yard to his and happily cleaning out his garage.  Spring is naturally a time of renewal.  It felt good.  

There was the usual accumulation of debris that collects over the winter.  I guess it is easy to toss stuff into the garage, especially during the winter, when one isn’t as likely to be spending any time out there.  The clutter starts to pile up, some items are important and some others, well…not so much.    

For example, maybe a hungry mouse or two (or three) chews a hole into the side of the sunflower seed bag leaving the evidence in all the nooks and crannies.   Perhaps the cardboard boxes from Christmas and beyond have taken over a whole corner.  They are stacked but need to be broken down and stuffed into the recycling bin.  Wait!  Do I spy a workbench counter under that can(s) of paint, miscellaneous tools, a bunch of plastic bags, a glass bottle that exploded in the cold, a solo cotton work glove, an extension cord, some tangled up green string and of course, the obligatory assortment of rolls of duct tape?  Maybe you have clutter too?    

Sweeping out the garage, I was reminded that mindfulness meditation is a way of spring-cleaning the mind.  We find the lingering debris that fills the nooks and crannies.  Sweep it up, and let it go. We sit with the stack of thoughts and feelings that have taken over a whole corner of the mind.  Break 'em down, stuff 'em in the recycling bin, and let 'em go. We can shift through the miscellany collecting on the “workbench of the mind” - storing the important items.  Anything else, let it go.  In every moment, mindfulness is a way of letting go of all that threatens to clutter the mind.

I read a column recently that recommended one start the day by sweeping the front steps.  Sweeping, first thing in the morning, represents the intention to create a fresh beginning.   In mindfulness meditation every breath is a fresh beginning - contained in every in-out breath is your whole life.  

Allow your morning practice to set your intention, sweep the front steps of your mind.   Allow mindfulness, during the day, to help you to choose what to “bring home.”   Do you really need to put that negative thought, lousy feeling, or mean word someone said to you in today's shopping cart?  Allow your evening practice to sort through everything you laid on the “workbench” of your mind for the day.   It feels good. 

Now, where did my broom go? 

Happy Spring!   

My friend, Carol, invited me to her spin class.  I tried it once and was hooked.  Thus, since October, my husband and I have been getting up at 5 am on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, to leave the house by 5:30 am, to go to class.  Crazy?  Yes, but it feels so damn good!     

SPINNING, for me, is so hard physically that I can literally think of nothing else while I am doing it.  For those 45 minutes, the physical effort of spinning takes every ounce of  mental focus  I have, yet I leave the class feeling great. 

This has got to be what Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, calls a  "flow experience."   Dr. C (shall we say) is known for his work on flow, characterized by performing an activity with complete focus, full attention, full awareness, full immersion, that is, being totally absorbed.   In this case, we could say, SPINNING is a good thing, right? 

Yet,  why do I meditate?  You got it, that's right, to help my mind to - STOP SPINNING!  

How does that strike you?  I had to laugh! 

When I practice meditation, I am working on developing these same skills - to be able to completely focus, to pay full attention, to have full awareness, to be fully immersed in every moment of my life.  To go with the flow?  yes, indeed. 

Oh, the irony,  sometimes...just gotta go with it. 

My daughter lives in Boston and I visit Boston. 

Last time I planned a trip, after the airline ticket was purchased, she got called to jury duty.  I went anyway. 

She had to work after jury duty everyday to make her desserts.  She is the pastry chef at Tres Gatos  in the Jamaica Plain neighborhood.  Let me brag:  from a recent Yelp review, "Chocolate flan - omg. To quote my Brasilian friend, "The best flan I've had in the states." The contrast of textures, flavors (well balanced sweetness), and just damn good. Great base of sherry and chocolate, creamy flan, awesome local chocolate Taza tuile (the crisp texture), nice freshness with acid of the huckleberries."

I needed to fill some time, even I can only eat so much dessert.  I found a local yoga joint that was offering  a FREE meditation session, one morning a week.  I am all about the free stuff, so I toodled on down Centre Street to check it out. 

Did I say that this particular meditation meeting  was at 6:30 am?  Did I say that overall I am not a morning person?  I am okay in the morning, I just don't talk much for about 30 minutes so SILENT meditation, in a group, could actually work out. 

Back to the story.....I arrived to find the meditation leader was trained in MBSR; nice guy, very welcoming, laid-back.  He asked me some questions (not too many so I didn't need to talk too much - bonus).  There were 6 people there including myself and the leader.  We sat in a circle.  No cushions but the studio had yoga mats and blankets - make do, no problem.  All was going well.

After about 30 minutes of sitting the leader said, "ok, now let's walk for awhile."  I'm up and at 'em, I enjoy walking meditation.  He went on, "Let's make a circle, try not to cause a traffic jam." 

Screeech!  What!  My mind flew into high gear...."Huh?  A TRAFFIC  jam?  I could cause a TRAFFIC jam?  OMG!  I probably will cause a TRAFFIC jam."   You get the picture, right? 

I started out walking in the circle.  It was a small circle.  There was a lot of room in the studio but we made a small circle.  My mind, "What's up with that - people, SPREAD out.  I am feeling CROWDED here."  I was so distracted by the chatter going on in my mind that I actually stumbled.  Literally, I could not walk at an even pace.  My mind, "Of course, you will cause a traffic jam, a TRAFFIC pile up is more like it."  What to do?  Exit stage left...I got right out of that "dumb" circle and started walking  "the right way" -  in my "normal" way - back and forth, in a straight line - single file - one lane of TRAFFIC.  Notice any clinging there?  Notice any aversion, any judgment?  Did I?  NO, not moi.

You would think taking this action would have solved the problem of the racing mind --- NOT!  Now, my mind was racing in another direction, "What do the others think of me now?  They probably think I am a weirdo.  They are probably thinking I am an outsider and can stay that way.  Maybe they think, I think I am too good to walk in their little circle.  I can't go back to the circle now that I 've left." 

Then, as I was standing still, facing the wall - I realized what my mind was doing, taking me out of the moment.  Here I was on this nice morning, in this nice studio, with this nice welcoming group, having an absolutely "jammed up" practice,  I slowly let it go.  I turned, I walked.

The leader called us back to the circle.  Of course, I shared what had happened, I couldn't help myself.  We all had a good laugh about it.  So interesting what one can learn when in TRAFFIC.    

Our group is starting a 4-week course this Monday  based on Sharon Salzberg’s bestselling book - Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation (A 28-day program).  To note the course, I went to the calendar to create a series of appointments which I labeled “Real Happiness”     As soon as I typed in the words Real Happiness  I was struck by the underlying significance of what I was doing.  I don't know about you but I am pretty sure I have never made an appointment with happiness.  Of course, this prompted me to think more deeply about it, which invariably prompts more questions than answers.

To BE happy, in this busy world of DOing, are such appointments necessary, advised, just one more thing to DO?  What would such appointments consist of, that is, what is the substance of happiness that we would expect to encounter at such an appointment?  Who and/or what does happiness look like? Would we know happiness when it presented itself or do we ask happiness to be wearing a white sport coat and a pink carnation in order to recognize it?   What if happiness is wearing something other than the pink carnation we were expecting?  Would we delete happiness from our contact list?  Would a series of short appointments with happiness turn into something greater or will one long appointment be about enough?   Is it too much to want and/or expect hook up with happiness?  What happens if happiness fails to show up for our appointment?  Would we reschedule? 

Did I mention that the Midwest is having a heat wave, temperatures in the 90's and of course good old humidity to match, ah!   Is that why it is named Ah-gust? Well, I don't know the last time you tried to meditate while sweating but I have a few observations to share. 

We have a stationary bike downstairs where it stays pretty cool most of the time.  I was there this morning to ride the bike, got in some good cardio and then went upstairs to meditate.  I was running late so I didn't bother to exactly cool down but I said to myself, "oh, just go ahead and sweat for a minute."  It's no big deal, right? 

At first, as the sweat was running down the sides of my face, I wanted to jump up dash over and get a towel - after all I had just set the timer - that wasn't really cheating.  I mean really, I wanted to wipe down like any reasonable person would have done to begin with.  But, no, I decided to just wait a minute longer to see if I would stop sweating.

Then, I got curious about the sweat.  I started to just pay attention to the beads of sweat, one at a time.  Where was it popping out?  Where did it go and at what speed?  What was the path of the bead of sweat?  At first, I noticed I had many running down the sides of my face at the same time.  I noticed a particular bead that announced itself right at my hairline, smack in the middle of  the top of my forehead.  It started to travel rather quickly towards my left eye.  I thought it was going to run right into my eye.  It occurred to me that I might want to actually wipe this one away.  But, I patiently watched as it quickly - and gracefully I might add - curved around my eye and made a bee-line right down the side of my nose, then made another quick jog around the corner of my mouth - unbelievable!  I felt one bead ever-so-slowly making it's way down the back of my neck.  And, so on and so on. 

As the beads of sweat ran down my face, each one traveled over the angle of my jaw, tucking ever so gently under my chin, and while slowly creeping towards my collarbone on either side.  Then a funny thing happened, they kind of disappeared.  Wait!  Where did they go?  I wondering if I would feel maybe something running down my chest, but no!  Did they evaporate?  No clue!   This went on for many minutes.  Me sweating, me observing, me sweating some more. 

Then it dawned on me that these beads of perspiration were just like my thoughts in meditation.  At first maybe I just want to wipe them away, be rid of them.  Then, I notice that they pop out of unexpected places; travel at different speeds and take different routes in and out of my mind.  If I just wait, the thoughts, like the beads of sweat,  dissipate on their own!  Voila!  A speck of insight today, I love then that happens. 

So, go ahead and sweat - I think I just invented HOT MEDITATION!  oh brother....